This isn't going to be a light-hearted, silly post like most of my previous posts. I have something that is choking me, that I just have to get off my chest before I go crazy. Also, fair warning... it may be rather long. Some of you know, and some of you don't, but we lost a very dear friend of ours the same week that our baby was born. Bob, our neighbor, had been a member of our family and someone that was a major part of our lives. His death came so unexpectedly we were left reeling. As he didn't have a wife or children of his own, never mind family that lived nearby, it was left to us to notify his family that he was lingering on life support in the hospital. My DH and I sat at his bedside, crying and talking to him even though his brain injury was too severe to hear us. In our hearts we knew he wasn't there in that hospital bed, but we had to say goodbye. We never got the chance to say anything to him when he was conscious. The circumstances surrounding his brain injury and eventual death were tragic and our family was left to grieve his sudden loss.
When we had originally contacted his family members, we were given the runaround about who we needed to call, as it seemed that nobody wanted to take any responsibility for his personal affairs. Then we got ahold of a family member that seemed to be actually upset by the circumstances and promised that they were heading down here and could we please ask the doctors to hold off on removing life support. DH and I sat and held his hand some more and cried with each other, trying to decide how we were going to explain to our children that their beloved Bobba was no longer with us. When his family finally arrived, we were a bit mired in our own grief and didn't pay close attention to their demeanor.
Now, months later, I find myself upset, and shaking in my fury at the seemingly callous behavior of people that professed to love someone that WE truly did love. As I've seen them coming and going as they "cleaned out" his home in preparation to sell it, I've been struck by how sometimes we aren't so blessed to be confronted with some people's true nature. Having stopped by several times to ask if there was anything they needed (help moving anything, food, help cleaning, etc,) I have been personal witness to their callous disregard for things that Bob was very proud of and attached to. I got the distinct impression that if they didn't think something would bring them any money, or was of any value to them, then it didn't matter how they treated it. I know that for me, it was just hard walking back into his home and knowing Bob wouldn't be there with a smile and a hug for me. I rushed back home in tears just from that quick visit. Somehow, I think I expected his own family to be having similar difficulties and it hurt me somehow not to see any outward appearances of grief.
Now, I understand that different people grieve differently, but I have never seen someone profess to love someone and then shed no tears at their passing. I think back to when they did show up at his bedside and not a tear was shed, not to mention that they made comments along the lines that it was "just like Bob" to not take care of himself and cause them to come down here, and where were the keys to his house?, and were the car keys there as well...
Last week I came outside to find that they were having a garage sale, which I couldn't fault them for as who can take everything from someones life and integrate it into their own homes? I didn't think much else about it until the next day when my husband walked in the door and told me that I needed to come outside with him. In the driveway of Bob's house (it will probably always be Bob's house, no matter who lives there!) were boxes and boxes of things that were just left for the garbage men.
Stunned I saw that several of Bob's photographs were left out like so much trash. Bob was a photographer both in hobby and formerly in profession for the Air Force. He flew numerous missions with the Thunderbirds, the Air Force stunt flying team. He was an amazing man and an even better photographer. All I could do was snatch those pictures up and fight tears as I thought of how his love was just tossed aside when it didn't bring his "family" any money!
Needless to say, we called our children outside and had them look through the boxes for anything they would like to keep as mementos of their Bobba. They found several wood carvings from Korea and a couple of figurines that they liked, and DH and I took every photo of his we could find. DH asked me if I had seen any pictures of his family that were there "cleaning" on his wall. Thinking about it I couldn't, but I knew for a fact that OUR family picture had a place of prominence on his wall, and now I wonder what they did with THAT photograph.
Now, maybe I'm overreacting, but this was someone who meant a great deal to us, and I find that I can't wrap my mind around his family's behavior. Maybe because he was such a major part of our lives? He spent every Christmas morning with our family from the year we moved in, until this last one right before he passed away. We have his dog, Harley, and our memories of him... and now, we have a bit of his heart as well. I guess, that makes us more his family than those of his own blood.
Above and below here are a few of Bob's photos, as well as one of me and Harley, and you can see what I mean. Keep in mind, these aren't very good copies as I took these pictures with my own camera until I can get them scanned and saved, so they're a bit blurred. Even so, you can see his amazing eye for composition.
When we had originally contacted his family members, we were given the runaround about who we needed to call, as it seemed that nobody wanted to take any responsibility for his personal affairs. Then we got ahold of a family member that seemed to be actually upset by the circumstances and promised that they were heading down here and could we please ask the doctors to hold off on removing life support. DH and I sat and held his hand some more and cried with each other, trying to decide how we were going to explain to our children that their beloved Bobba was no longer with us. When his family finally arrived, we were a bit mired in our own grief and didn't pay close attention to their demeanor.
Now, months later, I find myself upset, and shaking in my fury at the seemingly callous behavior of people that professed to love someone that WE truly did love. As I've seen them coming and going as they "cleaned out" his home in preparation to sell it, I've been struck by how sometimes we aren't so blessed to be confronted with some people's true nature. Having stopped by several times to ask if there was anything they needed (help moving anything, food, help cleaning, etc,) I have been personal witness to their callous disregard for things that Bob was very proud of and attached to. I got the distinct impression that if they didn't think something would bring them any money, or was of any value to them, then it didn't matter how they treated it. I know that for me, it was just hard walking back into his home and knowing Bob wouldn't be there with a smile and a hug for me. I rushed back home in tears just from that quick visit. Somehow, I think I expected his own family to be having similar difficulties and it hurt me somehow not to see any outward appearances of grief.
Now, I understand that different people grieve differently, but I have never seen someone profess to love someone and then shed no tears at their passing. I think back to when they did show up at his bedside and not a tear was shed, not to mention that they made comments along the lines that it was "just like Bob" to not take care of himself and cause them to come down here, and where were the keys to his house?, and were the car keys there as well...
Last week I came outside to find that they were having a garage sale, which I couldn't fault them for as who can take everything from someones life and integrate it into their own homes? I didn't think much else about it until the next day when my husband walked in the door and told me that I needed to come outside with him. In the driveway of Bob's house (it will probably always be Bob's house, no matter who lives there!) were boxes and boxes of things that were just left for the garbage men.
Stunned I saw that several of Bob's photographs were left out like so much trash. Bob was a photographer both in hobby and formerly in profession for the Air Force. He flew numerous missions with the Thunderbirds, the Air Force stunt flying team. He was an amazing man and an even better photographer. All I could do was snatch those pictures up and fight tears as I thought of how his love was just tossed aside when it didn't bring his "family" any money!
Needless to say, we called our children outside and had them look through the boxes for anything they would like to keep as mementos of their Bobba. They found several wood carvings from Korea and a couple of figurines that they liked, and DH and I took every photo of his we could find. DH asked me if I had seen any pictures of his family that were there "cleaning" on his wall. Thinking about it I couldn't, but I knew for a fact that OUR family picture had a place of prominence on his wall, and now I wonder what they did with THAT photograph.
Now, maybe I'm overreacting, but this was someone who meant a great deal to us, and I find that I can't wrap my mind around his family's behavior. Maybe because he was such a major part of our lives? He spent every Christmas morning with our family from the year we moved in, until this last one right before he passed away. We have his dog, Harley, and our memories of him... and now, we have a bit of his heart as well. I guess, that makes us more his family than those of his own blood.
Above and below here are a few of Bob's photos, as well as one of me and Harley, and you can see what I mean. Keep in mind, these aren't very good copies as I took these pictures with my own camera until I can get them scanned and saved, so they're a bit blurred. Even so, you can see his amazing eye for composition.
2 comments:
What a beautiful testimony and eulogy for Bob.
You have a good heart, Chris and this post was written beautifully!
I bet he's smiling down on you and your family.
That is so horribly disrespectful,the way his family acted.I think,perhaps,that you guys were his true family,Chris.It sounds like he was just a wonderful man.The pics are great-I esp. love the one of you & Harley,and the airplane is just gorgeous.
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