Grieving Or Not

This isn't going to be a light-hearted, silly post like most of my previous posts. I have something that is choking me, that I just have to get off my chest before I go crazy. Also, fair warning... it may be rather long. Some of you know, and some of you don't, but we lost a very dear friend of ours the same week that our baby was born. Bob, our neighbor, had been a member of our family and someone that was a major part of our lives. His death came so unexpectedly we were left reeling. As he didn't have a wife or children of his own, never mind family that lived nearby, it was left to us to notify his family that he was lingering on life support in the hospital. My DH and I sat at his bedside, crying and talking to him even though his brain injury was too severe to hear us. In our hearts we knew he wasn't there in that hospital bed, but we had to say goodbye. We never got the chance to say anything to him when he was conscious. The circumstances surrounding his brain injury and eventual death were tragic and our family was left to grieve his sudden loss.

When we had originally contacted his family members, we were given the runaround about who we needed to call, as it seemed that nobody wanted to take any responsibility for his personal affairs. Then we got ahold of a family member that seemed to be actually upset by the circumstances and promised that they were heading down here and could we please ask the doctors to hold off on removing life support. DH and I sat and held his hand some more and cried with each other, trying to decide how we were going to explain to our children that their beloved Bobba was no longer with us. When his family finally arrived, we were a bit mired in our own grief and didn't pay close attention to their demeanor.

Now, months later, I find myself upset, and shaking in my fury at the seemingly callous behavior of people that professed to love someone that WE truly did love. As I've seen them coming and going as they "cleaned out" his home in preparation to sell it, I've been struck by how sometimes we aren't so blessed to be confronted with some people's true nature. Having stopped by several times to ask if there was anything they needed (help moving anything, food, help cleaning, etc,) I have been personal witness to their callous disregard for things that Bob was very proud of and attached to. I got the distinct impression that if they didn't think something would bring them any money, or was of any value to them, then it didn't matter how they treated it. I know that for me, it was just hard walking back into his home and knowing Bob wouldn't be there with a smile and a hug for me. I rushed back home in tears just from that quick visit. Somehow, I think I expected his own family to be having similar difficulties and it hurt me somehow not to see any outward appearances of grief.

Now, I understand that different people grieve differently, but I have never seen someone profess to love someone and then shed no tears at their passing. I think back to when they did show up at his bedside and not a tear was shed, not to mention that they made comments along the lines that it was "just like Bob" to not take care of himself and cause them to come down here, and where were the keys to his house?, and were the car keys there as well...

Last week I came outside to find that they were having a garage sale, which I couldn't fault them for as who can take everything from someones life and integrate it into their own homes? I didn't think much else about it until the next day when my husband walked in the door and told me that I needed to come outside with him. In the driveway of Bob's house (it will probably always be Bob's house, no matter who lives there!) were boxes and boxes of things that were just left for the garbage men.

Stunned I saw that several of Bob's photographs were left out like so much trash. Bob was a photographer both in hobby and formerly in profession for the Air Force. He flew numerous missions with the Thunderbirds, the Air Force stunt flying team. He was an amazing man and an even better photographer. All I could do was snatch those pictures up and fight tears as I thought of how his love was just tossed aside when it didn't bring his "family" any money!

Needless to say, we called our children outside and had them look through the boxes for anything they would like to keep as mementos of their Bobba. They found several wood carvings from Korea and a couple of figurines that they liked, and DH and I took every photo of his we could find. DH asked me if I had seen any pictures of his family that were there "cleaning" on his wall. Thinking about it I couldn't, but I knew for a fact that OUR family picture had a place of prominence on his wall, and now I wonder what they did with THAT photograph.

Now, maybe I'm overreacting, but this was someone who meant a great deal to us, and I find that I can't wrap my mind around his family's behavior. Maybe because he was such a major part of our lives? He spent every Christmas morning with our family from the year we moved in, until this last one right before he passed away. We have his dog, Harley, and our memories of him... and now, we have a bit of his heart as well. I guess, that makes us more his family than those of his own blood.


Above and below here are a few of Bob's photos, as well as one of me and Harley, and you can see what I mean. Keep in mind, these aren't very good copies as I took these pictures with my own camera until I can get them scanned and saved, so they're a bit blurred. Even so, you can see his amazing eye for composition.

How crazy is my life?

I just had to post this about my CRAZY flippin' day today. If I wasn't in so much pain I'd laugh my butt off! No, the pain didn't come from today, that actually came from yesterday when I somehow hurt my back (Lifting the baby and carseat from the van? Picking up the three-year old and putting him in the shopping cart? Helping load Scout stuff for DHs Scout campout? Who knows!) and now I'm dealing with muscle spasms and pain. *sigh*

Anyway... my crazy day/evening:

One of the things I was helping get ready for the campout yesterday was the food for the boys (shishkabobs... yum). Getting that food ready made me realize that it sounded very yummy for dinner, but decided to do it for tonight. Well... one major problem with that is that DH loaned our portable grill (it's really nice it kind of folds down into a portable cart and yet when it's upright it's a pretty good sized grill... anyway) to the Scouts and it went home with another one of the leaders instead of being brought right back to us. *sigh* But, all was not lost... at least I didn't think so. We have this nifty-neato little stovetop grilling thingy that I'd been dying to try out. So, I pulled that puppy out and got the kabobs ready for grilling. We were on our way to yummy food when... the smoke alarm goes off. Then... the next one... and the next one... we had at least three alarms going off at once. But, since we were already into the grilling, and they smelled good dangit, we decided to grin and bear it. So, the alarms were going for about 30 minutes or so... the older boys were hiding in their bedroom (the only place that was quiet)... the baby was fussing because those things are loud... the dog, oh our poor dog, was yipping until we finally sent our oldest boy to walk him so his sensitive ears would be away from the smoke alarms... I actually took the baby back into the older boys' room and we all had a grand old time hanging out on the bottom bunk of the bunk bed until the alarms finally went off when DH was done with the kabobs. Needless to say... we won't be using the stovetop grill again anytime soon!

So, that's just the ending of my day and I thought y'all could all use the laugh, because it actually made me laugh. DH on the other hand... he was a bit cranky, but he got over it. LOL

It's way too late....

Why am I doing this? Who really cares to hear about my boring, ordinary life? Honestly I don't know, and really don't care if anyone ever reads this. It's more for me than for anyone else.

I sit here sometimes at 1 or 2 am and think. The truth is that I have a VERY hard time shutting down my brain. Between the stories that dance around in my head, and the ongoing list of... well of crap, that goes throuh my mind, it's not wonder I'm a insomniac! Add in four BOYS, a dog named Harley, and a DH you have a recipe for sleepless nights.

I've been trying to write lately, and the words just won't come. I have such a hard time getting the words onto paper... well the computer screem. I think I've finally come to the decision that I have too much everyday nonsense rolling around keeping me distracted. Maybe this blog will help with that! Who knows... certainly not me!

Let's see... what about me would people like to know? I'm a mom (yeah,yeah, I said it above... deal), and a wife (again, you know that), a writer (NO, I'm not published, at least not yet (I have high hopes)... no I haven't finished my first story...), I read, I play with my kids, I write, I teach ballet, I read, I review books for The Long and Short of It (or LASR) and it's sister site Whipped Cream (or WC), I write... did I mention that I read and write? LOL All in all, I have a pretty busy life, which is just fine with me. I have no idea what to do with myself when it's quiet around here. Not to mention that usually means the boys are up to something!

Now, you're probably wondering what in the world the name of my blog references. Or maybe you're not... I don't care, I'm going to tell you anyway! Considering the fact that I have TWO sleep disorders it's rather difficult for me to go to sleep each night. I have been known to pull an all-nighter when I simply can't shut down. Half the time I find myself looking at the clock and wondering where in the world the time went and how come I don't have anything done. I will say one thing... it's never boring in this house!